Grins & Giggles What a Weekend! An older, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller that he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.” At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweller said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man, seeing this, said, “We’ll take it.” The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated: “By cheque. I know that you need to make sure that my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now, you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon.” OnMonday morning, the agitated jeweller phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.” “I know,” said the old man, “but let me tell you about my weekend!” Only new thing I own An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that the wind wouldn’t blow it away. A gentleman approached her and said, “Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?” “Yes, I know,” said the lady. “But I need my hands to hold onto my hat.” “But madam,” he said, “youmust know that your derriere is exposed!” The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat!” I hope you get better A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished, he said in farewell, “I hope you get better!” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.” CSANews | WINTER 2018 | 55
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