Grins & Giggles GOLF QUIPS Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players! – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to get worse. – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – Golf balls are like eggs. They’re both white, sold by the dozen and a week later, you have to go out and buy more. – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. GOLF QUOTES “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” - Bob Hope – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – “Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe” - Lee Trevino – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – “Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.” - Gary Player – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.” - Gerald Ford THE CHEATER Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. Since they’re short on time, they decide to play only nine holes. Nick says to Lou, “Let’s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.” Lou agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the eighth hole, Lou is ahead by one stroke, but slices his ball into the rough on the ninth. “Help me find my ball; you look over there,” he says to Nick. After three minutes, neither has had any luck. Since a lost ball carries a two-stroke penalty, Lou pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I’ve found my ball!” he announces triumphantly. Nick looks at him forlornly, “After all the years we’ve been friends, you’d cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?” “What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!” “And a liar, too!” Nick says with amazement. “I’ll have you know I’ve been standing on your ball for the last three minutes!” THE FARMER A golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset and sought out the farmer. “I’m sorry,” he said, “my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?” “I don’t know about that,” replied the farmer, mulling it over. “How many eggs a day do you lay?” GOLF CHATS Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf. Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you too, eh? – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – I told my buddy that I got a new set of clubs for my wife. He said, “Sounds like a good trade!” CSANews | FALL 2024 | 49
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